One of the hardest spiritual lessons for me to learn is to let go. I have nearly learned it but not quite.
I tend to hold on to things that no longer serve me for far too long – bad careers that make me unhappy, toxic friendships, places, relationships. You name it. I have hung onto things when they make me unhappy. Why is this? I suppose the fear of change is greater. It is comforting to cling to the familiar even though the familiar is not doing you any good. The world is in constant flux. Everything is energy. Everything is constantly changing. We find this hard to accept so we try to create stability. This is next to impossible in a world that is not certain.
What I need is the resilience and confidence to accept change and go with it. I am finding this very hard but I am learning it. Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount in his “Consider the lilies” speech is getting close to what I mean. He says that the lilies don’t sow or reap but God still clothes them beautifully and gives them everything they need. I think this is a very powerful spiritual lesson. It is very hard to follow though. Jesus is saying let go of everything you are clinging on to and just have faith in God. There is something very Zen about this, very Buddhist. I am often struck by how many things Jesus says are so close to Buddhism. How many of us truly have enough faith to let go and trust? We really don’t. We reap and sow. We sweat for our bread because we worry about the future. How can I give up my job you say? I will end up homeless on the streets. This is what prevents up from following our true path.
So this is what I am trying to do. Stop worrying, stop over thinking, stop replaying the past and what might have beens over and over in my head. I often feel like I am on a loop and I never get any further forward. I am trying to break free of old patterns. I have managed to give up my disastrous and extremely stressful career. That is the first step and it was an enormous one. I am not homeless on the street but I still haven’t found a replacement. This is what I am now searching for. I ask for help in finding my purpose every day. So far no answer has come but I am learning to have faith. Things will work out if I trust in God and myself.
Trust and let go.