I wake early at six. My legs are heavy. They have been aching overnight. It’s the caffeine withdrawal. Less than yesterday though. It is leaving my system. I am detoxing. I am drug free. I feel sleepy. I return to sleep. I sleep in until eight. Neil tells me it’s time to feed the dog. He is going to work. I go down to the kitchen. Didi runs ahead of me excitedly. He is looking for signs of the cat. Why can’t he get on with the cat? I have made no progress here. He has a chase instinct. I let him in the garden and he bursts out. He is energy. I feel the grubbiness of the kitchen. However much I clean it it always looks grubby. I chop up the dog food. Meat. I don’t eat meat. Didi eats meat. How strange I buy it for him. He has to have it. Samsarra. I put it on the floor in his steel bowl. It is gone in seconds.
I pour myself boiling water. I take a lemon from the fridge – half a lemon – already cut. I cut another slice and pop it in the cup. Lemon water. Health. My body is a temple. I go back up stairs, up the dark staircase to the second floor. I crawl back into my bed. I sit up and drink my lemon water. Didi curls next to me. I love the comfort of him. He is warm against me. I can hear birdsong. It is raining. Refreshing rain. Too much rain this year. I can hear it hitting the window. My skin feels soft and clear. My diet is helping me. I read the news on my phone – the Guardian app. I flick down the articles. I only read a few of them. So boring. So predictable. Journalists with their worn opinions. The news is all about the referendum. Lots of news is doomy. They are always trying to scare us. They. The machine. We must be kept in fear. I look at Twitter. It is the same as the Guardian. I keep thinking of the film I watched last night: The Aryan Couple. So sad what happened to the Jews. But the ending was happy. For them at least. They escaped because they were rich. Money rules in this world.
I toss away my phone and concentrate on drinking my lemon water. I am proud I have given up caffeine for a week. I must keep it up. I will wake naturally and tire naturally. It will be better. I will find my natural rhythm.
I shower. I love the shower in the en suite. The water is forceful. It is a good feeling. I am awake. I rub coconut oil all over me. My body is a temple. Didi stands near and eats the fallen gobbets of oil. He likes coconut oil.
I dress in my dog walking clothes, my old green cords. I dry my hair quickly turning my head upside down. I tie it into a pony tail. I am annoyed about the roots. The roots didn’t take. The henna only covered the rest. My roots are too dark.
I go downstairs. I take my barbour from the peg. I wear my leather hat because of the rain. I put Didi into his harness and I clip on the lead. He shies away from the harness. He doesn’t like it but he lets me put it on. We venture out. It is raining.
We walk around the park. It is all shades of green. I love the green. There are wildflowers in the uncut grass. The may weed is beautiful: big daisies. Didi forges ahead, sniffing, rootling, rushing on. He is busy. He is always alert. We pass people. Only the old people say hello. Most of them don’t. Is it me? I think they are just like this. People don’t speak in the south. They are not in a city though. It’s a small town. they could speak. They don’t.
We go back. We are wet. I have muesli for breakfast. I have almond milk with it. I am not sure if almond milk is allowed on this diet. Is it a processed food? Probably. I feel better than yesterday. I am getting used to it. Every day is better.
I load the dishwasher. Always so many dishes. Where do they come from? It takes three and a half hours to do its eco cycle. It would be quicker to do it yourself. It rattles and bangs. I don’t understand what it does.
I drink hot water.
I go upstairs to the living room. I drink my water. I am calm. I do meditation. I don’t go deep today. Didi tries to distract me, licking my hand. I have a rest. I read some internet articles. I do yoga. Today I choose Yoga with Adrienne on YouTube. It is a gentle day. I feel good. I can do it. I am in the moment. Didi bites a hole in my yoga mat. He doesn’t like me doing yoga. He want to play with his cuddly snow leopard. I break my practice to play with him. He is content to chew it now.
My new resolution is to do more exercise. I choose a thirty minute HIT routine with Fitness Blender. It is hot and sweaty but I can do it. It must be good for me. I am tired now. I rest and look at my phone. I look at Twitter and WordPress. I read some more articles.
It is time for lunch. On this diet lunch is the big meal of the day. I have potato and spring green curry. These are the only vegetables I have left from my organic box. I don’t have rice as I am not losing weight. I pour the spices. They are beautiful – all shades of brown and orange. I pour water over and wait. I listen to the radio. Someone is moaning their baggage got lost in South Africa. I turn it off again. I enjoy the curry and I have it with mango chutney. I don’t think mango chutney will be allowed on this diet. It is out of a jar. I have it anyway. I feel full. It is good.
I go back upstairs. I read. I feel sleepy. Didi is looking for trouble out of the window. He is looking for things to bark at. Next door woman blames him for barking. I have heard her bad mouthing him in the garden. It is her chihuaha that starts barking first. She has an Essex accent. It is ugly. He is restless so I take him for another walk. It has stopped raining. There is a sliver of sunlight. The sky is grey. We walk to a different park. There are dead things on the path. Nobody is out. It feels good. Didi is busy, darting for squirrels. He lunges at a man passing. He takes a dislike to some people. I thought I had trained him out of this but I haven’t. I must be a better trainer. I can’t let him off the lead. He is too naughty. Unpredictable.
We come back and I have marmite in water. It’s a good substitute for coffee. It tastes rich and beery. It tastes alive. I tidy the kitchen. I load the dish washer again. I put washing on. Two machines are whirring and banging now.
I have my last meal at four: rice cakes with peanut butter. It is good.
I finally sit down to write. I am writing this. The house is quiet. I am flowing. I need to do this earlier. I need to write every day. I need to write my book again. I need to have faith. I need routine.
I am enjoying my diet: the One. I know it is more than just eating. I need to get a lot of sludge out of my head. Then I can write. I need to figure out what to do with my life. I must find my place in the world. Maybe it is to write. Maybe it isn’t. I don’t know yet. My mind is clearing. Mind and body are working in harmony. I am more productive today than usual.
The book says to think about not yelling at people today. I haven’t yelled at anyone. I have in the past. I ask forgiveness.
It is a good day.
I have tried to be a Yogi for a week. I am a Yogi. Yogi in training.